this was stolen from a blog, who got it from a another blog, and apparently it was from danny antonucci, but that was just a /b/ rumor.
Ed, Edd, And Eddy Explained:
We hadn’t always been here. But the neighborhood has. Even before it was a neighborhood on earth this one had been here. Here for those that would be lost on those cursed grounds, here for those who would die long before their real life ever truly began, here for those who never really wanted to grow up. We come from different times and we come from different lives, but one thing remains true of all of us. We lived on the earthly realm of the neighborhood at some point in our lives and died long before our time was supposed to come. We don’t remember much of our lives in the cul-de-sac since the last member of our group joined us and certainly we won’t remember now when the next spirit comes, but here is what we do know: Rolf was the first to come here. Unlike most of us he was born in far off lands and even in the afterlife hasn’t lost the touch of his old world upbringing. He lived in the neighborhood before it was developed. The son of a shepherd, he and the rest of his family came to start a farm on the lands that would soon turn into the place we would all eventually reside in. He died in 1903. While tending to the family’s animals, the bull broke loose from its pen and in Rolf’s efforts to stop the beast he was trampled to death. That is why even though he brought many of his family’s livestock with him in spirit he chose not to bring the cattle along. He continues to go about the farms business on a daily basis, but is more than happy to occasionally neglect them to play with the other children of the neighborhood.
Jonny was always the lonely child. In fact Rolf actually became his first human friend ever when he came to the cul-de-sac after his death. His parents moved onto the grounds of Rolf’s former farm not long after his death. With no other children around and no fieldwork to take up his time as it did Rolf’s Jonny drew into his own mind to a great extent. From the Plank was born. Together they wandered about the country side climbing trees and getting themselves in trouble. Sadly this didn’t last forever as a few years later Jonny became bedridden with illness. In 1922 he died after a long battle with tuberculosis. He saw his imaginary friend plank standing by him to his last breath. Even now in the afterlife without the countryside to play in Jonny still wastes much of his time frolicking through the backyards and streets. Eddy was the next to come. Eddy was born in New York City but moved to the neighborhood in 1932, just as the Great Depression was hitting full swing. The neighborhood while still different was beginning to take form from the fields of its past as families moved in and split up the lands that had once belonged to Rolf’s family. Always a schemer, Eddy looked to do anything to bring some comfort to his very bare family life even if it cost him the friendship of others. Eddy died in 1939 after one of his grand plans to swindle a sap backfired. He drowned trying to cross the local river after trying to run away from the angry kids that he had tried to deceive. Even in the afterlife he keeps chasing after the all mighty dollar.
Sarah and Ed came together not too long after that. By the late 40’s the cul-de-sac had already nearly taken its final form as one of the preplanned developments that became popular in the post war era. As brother and sister growing up in the chaos of World War II, they both had various ways of escaping their lives as children of a dead GI and a working mother. Sarah became enraged and controlling as she sought to make sure that everyone around her knew that she was in charge, all in an attempt to copy off of her view of the hustle and bustle of her often working mother. Ed on the other hand went about it in a different way. He just shut it out entirely, in fact he shut out nearly everyone and everything in the world entirely becoming what appeared to be a complete idiot. Ed chose instead to become completely involved in the monster movies and comic books that began to pop up after the war had ended. It wasn’t too long after this that, in 1953, Ed and Sarah died in a car wreck as their mother was taking them to visit their grandparents. Nazz came a time after the brother and sister. Nazz was a flower child, born to a pair of hippies turned establishment in the late 60’s. She was a naturally beautiful girl that had always had a way with boys and men alike. She lived life on a whim and would often go about flirting and playing without any intentions. She died in possibly the most horrible way of any children in the neighborhood. In the summer of ’79 a serial killer, who had broken out of a local asylum, had slipped into her house in the dead of night and raped and killed her along with her entire family. In the trauma of these events she in a way similar to Ed shut out the world entirely and forgot of her parents and siblings, which is why in the afterlife she doesn’t ever receive demands from the non-existent parents unlike many of the others. This gives her much more time to lounge around and party as she often does.
It didn’t take too long before Edd joined the rest of the neighborhood. He was the child of two highly controlling professionals in the age of greed that, despite their constant absence, dominated his life. As such Edd became quite the intellectual and a rather meek and shy figure. Always the curious type, he loved to experiment when given the time away from school and the constant chores of his parents. This would lead to his untimely demise in 1986, as a gas leak combined with a Bunsen burner from one of his experiments tore him and his house to pieces. Being the timid and subservient type, between various misadventures, Edd continued to follow the written orders of his parents long after his death.
Kevin was the next to join the group. He was born to the day of Edd’s death and is in many ways his polar opposite. Kevin came from a broken home and developed a bold personality. In life he was the cynical and angry and took it out on many of the other children. His abusive father would rarely pay him any attention in life and would end up bringing about the end of it. In a drunken rage his father beat him after Kevin attempted to stand up to him. He died on the way to the hospital in the winter of 1999. His father spent the rest of his life in prison. In the afterlife Kevin changed his perception to the opposite of what his life really was, with a distant father who would shower him with gifts, however he continued to maintain his bullying even in death.
Jimmy was the last to come to the cul-de-sac. He died in 2000 not long after moving into the house that Kevin’s father had once lived in. He had had leukemia since he was barely old enough to walk. As such, he was always a very sickly child and due to his over protective parents he never really got to be around other children. He lived his days out in a small bedroom completely neglected by the outside world. Jimmy lingered for quite some time in a state of near death, but in the end finally caved into the suffering of his life long illness.
The Kanker sisters were different from any other denizens of the cul-de-sac. They were never of the earthly plane of existence. Instead they are the children of demons not too dissimilar from the succubae of human lore. They seem to possess abilities impossible by the standards of the others, such as the ability to appear nearly anywhere instantly. They were sent from hell to torment the already tortured souls of the neighborhood. Surprisingly they are attracted to the Eds for unknown reasons, although it is speculated that they are the weakest willed members of the neighborhood and are seen as easy targets by them. Despite that they are universally loathed and often feared by everyone including the Eds.